As Thanksgiving and Kayla's first birthday approach, we reminisce on the past year. We have experienced a lot in the last year and are thankful for God's mercy and love. I've decided to share 'our story' as I remember it with all of you.
Miracles Happen Throughout life I have heard people tell stories about miracles they have witnessed. Having never experienced a miracle, I sometimes wondered if these stories were of ‘true’ miracles. Being a Christian of varying degrees throughout my life, I often prayed to witness one of these miracles with my own eyes. I didn’t want to witness a miracle out of doubt of God’s existence but to strengthen my faith in God. Well, now I have learned to be careful what you pray for because you have to be ready for it to happen and you don’t know when or in what form it will occur.
James 1: 2-4 Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.
At the end of June 2009 my husband and I discovered that we were pregnant. We were excited and scared since neither of us knew much about raising a child. We had a low risk pregnancy that seemed to be going fine until one day everything changed very suddenly. On Friday November 13th my membrane ruptured very unexpectedly while I was at work. I was only 23 weeks and 4 days into my pregnancy. I remember the initial feelings of confusing, shock and then fear. As I called for medical support I knew something was horribly wrong and I feared for my unborn child's life.
Upon arriving at the hospital I had a brief moment of calm as the nurse put the fetal monitor on and we heard the fetal heartbeat. The baby was still alive! This was a very short lived moment though, as I was quickly inundated with doctors and nurses asking me questions. Unfortunately my husband was making the long hour and a half car ride from our home to the hospital and was not able to help with the major decisions. I was 'alone' in the OB triage being asked to decide the fate of my unborn child.
The doctors first asked if I wanted a Cesarean section or to try to deliver the baby naturally. They continued to tell me that there was a very small chance the baby would survive and if it did survive there was a high probability that the baby would be abnormal. I couldn't even process the idea that the baby was going to be born let alone decide how. Of course through this entire experience I had been frantically praying for my baby and for help with these decisions. I prayed, "God I know there is a reason for all of this happening. Give the baby and me strength and guide me to make the best decisions. And please get my husband here safely and quickly!" At this point I had to rely completely on God.
After what seemed like an eternity of the doctors asking me these questions over and over and telling me I had to make a decision, my mother arrived. I was finally not alone. I declined the C-section and decided to let nature, or God, decide what was going to happen. Of course then there were more questions from the doctors. I had to decide whether or not to have steroids administered to me. The steroids increased the chances of the baby surviving but I had to consider the fact that there was still a good chance the baby would be abnormal. If God planned for this baby to be abnormal then I knew there was a reason why. I accepted the steroids since I had to give this baby every chance possible for life.
My husband arrived very frantic to the hospital of course worried about his wife and unborn child. A doctor came in at that point to reassure us that we (or I) made the right decision, or the same decisions he would have made. They didn't know why my membrane ruptured but reassured us that they could prevent it for future pregnancies. Thankfully the labor stopped and the baby's heart rate was stabilizing.
I was on strict bed rest in the hospital now until the baby was born. The doctors informed us that we had to worry about infection or any changes in the baby's heart rate. If anything appeared to be going wrong they would perform an emergency C-section within a matter of minutes with me being under anesthesia. My husband decided he wasn't going to leave my side for fear that something would go wrong and he wouldn't be there.
Living in a very small hospital room together can be quite a test on a marriage. Luckily this had a good impact on our marriage. My poor husband waited on me hand and foot and helped me with everything I needed, including emptying bed pans and helping with sponge baths. We prayed together multiple times a day for our baby and for our sanity.
We had many friends and family visit and bring stuff to entertain us. We were on more prayer list then we even knew existed and were grateful for the many people praying for us and our baby. The support of everyone was almost amazingly overwhelming.
On Thanksgiving, my family joined us in our hospital room for a Boston Market turkey dinner. Considering the circumstances it was an enjoyable Thanksgiving. Unfortunately at the end of the night we received news that my Grandmother passed away after her Thanksgiving dinner. She died suddenly in her favorite recliner. This news was obviously upsetting but I knew I couldn't get upset for the welfare of our baby. At first I was angry at God thinking, "Really God! Haven't we been through enough already?" But then I was thankful that my Grandmother passed peacefully and was comforted by the idea of her in Heaven.
My Grandmom's viewing and funeral were scheduled for the following Monday and Tuesday. On Sunday night, Dwight and I prayed multiple times for the baby to not arrive until after the arrangements for my Grandmother were complete. We were concerned about the amount of stress my family was under and we didn't want to create any more.
God had different plans! Late on Sunday night, the baby's heart rate started to increase. The doctors, fearing an infection, decided that after 18 days on bed rest and now at 26 weeks gestation, it was time to deliver the baby. Luckily I was able to stay awake for the procedure. On Monday November 30th at 2:28am our daughter, Kayla Anne, was born by cesarean section. She weighed an amazing 2 pounds 1 ounce. After the doctor removed her and said "It's Barbara Jr." (My mother's name is Barbara and she works with the doctor) it seemed like an eternity until we heard anything from the NICU staff that was stabilizing her. Then we finally heard a very faint little cry and a sense of relief fell over us. Once she was stabilized the NICU staff rolled her incubator over so that we could both see her for the first time. She was made in God's perfect image and she was absolutely beautiful. She had all the same parts as a full term baby, she was just very small. She was a MIRACLE!! All of our prayers had been answered.
We discovered that the birth of our child actually brought joy to the family in their time of grief. My parents came to the hospital once they found out that we were having an emergency C-section. They patiently waited in the early hours of the morning to hear the news of their first granddaughter's birth. Then they had to go to New Jersy for my Grandmom's viewing. I never realized the impact the birth of a child can have on a family. The sadness of my Grandmother's death was accompanied by the joy of the birth of our child. Turns out the timing of her birth was alright and God wasn't trying to torment us.
The hours and days after Kayla's birth are a bit of a blur mainly because of the pain killers and lack of sleep. They rolled me from the recovery room directly to the Special Care Nursery (SCN) so that we could see our little girl again. She was in an incubator with a CPAP helping her breath and with a number of IV lines. I was able to touch her foot for the first time. We learned the rules of the SCN and received an overwhelming amount of information. Our little girl was stable and doing well. However, the nurses informed us that it would be a rollercoaster and she would have good times and bad times. She wasn't out of the woods yet and still had a long time till she would be able to go home. I wondered exactly what complications could arise and what were the chances that she might still not make it. However, I couldn't bring myself to ask since I knew the answer would just make me worry. There was no point in worrying. God was in control and we had to continue to put our faith in him. Plus he had been doing a pretty good job so far!
The NICU staff all have amazing gifts and are truly blessings from God. They share their love and advice so openly and you could tell they truly care for all of their patients and their families. The nurses and doctors became like family to us. They provided much needed comfort and reassurance during Kayla's long stay. They often said, "That's normal for a baby of Kayla's gestational age." We found reassurance in those words not fully knowing that there were a lot of complications that were normal for a baby of her age. It was best not to know.
My husband and I found that we needed to take turns being the strong one in our relationship. Thankfully we never seemed to have a mental breakdown on the same day. On the day after her birth my husband had the unfortunate experience of witnessing our daughter's lung collapse. I remember him coming back to my hospital room looking terrified and scared. He didn't want to tell me what was happening. After he told me I had an amazing sense of calm and was able to comfort him. I told him that the NICU staff knew what they were doing and the God was watching over her. Looking back on that day I don't know how I remained so calm. It may have been the pain killers again or that I was just comforted by my faith. Of course, there were plenty of other times where I had a breakdown and my husband had to be the strong calm one. I remember at one point just wishing that life could be 'normal' and crying myself to sleep.
On December 16th Kayla had to have a surgery to ligate her PDA, a shunt in the heart that all babies have that normally closes on its own. A team of 6 people from CHOP came with all of their equipment to Abington. Of course the doctors had to warn us of the possible complications including the 1% chance of death. Pastor Steve came to pray over her and sit with us during the procedure. The doctor encouraged us to go into the room and give Kayla a kiss before the surgery. At this point I had a moment of weakness. My daughter was 2 weeks old and about to have heart surgery and I had never given her a kiss. Since Kayla was in an incubator we hadn't been able to physically kiss her until this point. My eyes welled up with tears as I leaned over all of the equipment to give my daughter her first kiss. Dana, our favorite nurse, comforted me while Dwight kissed his daughter for the first time. We remained surprisingly calm during the rest of the surgery. After the 20 minute procedure the doctor came to the waiting room to tell us that the surgery went perfectly.
After the surgery, Kayla started to make progress with gaining weight and growing. She had to receive blood transfusions to help with her iron levels. She also had to overcome the challenges of breathing on her own and then eating on her own. Patience was key during all of these challenges. We quickly learned that Kayla was a strong and determined little girl who wasn’t giving up without a fight. I believe her determination and will power, along with a lot of prayer, helped her through all of the challenges.
On Wednesday March 3, 2010, Dr. Snader asked us if we were ready to take our little girl home. After 13 weeks and 3 days we had plenty of practice taking care of her and we were not as scared about bringing our baby home. She was ready to come home without any monitors or wires. Leaving the NICU was bitter sweet though. The SCN staff had become like family and the SCN was our home away from home. However being in our own home as a family was a great feeling.
Kayla's stay in the NICU was truly a rollercoaster ride but my husband and I stayed strong in our faith. Looking back I don't know how or if we would have made it through this experience if we didn't have our faith in God. This experience was also a testament to the power of prayer. I think of all of the things that could have gone wrong and am extremely thankful that everything worked out the way it did. Next time I think I want to witness something, like a miracle, I am going to think pretty hard about what could happen before I pray for it. I witnessed my 'Miracle' and am extremely happy and thankful that God helped us through. This experience made me a stronger person with an even stronger faith in God.
I don’t know what God has planned for our daughter but I’m sure there will be ups and downs. Kayla’s rollercoaster ride isn’t over yet. I watch her now as a seemingly healthy baby and feel truly blessed. Her smile warms my heart and I can’t kiss her enough times in a day. I can only pray that she will know God’s love and live a Godly life. Praise be to God! God is good all of the time!
Psalm 107: 19-22 Then you called out to God in your desperate condition, he got you out in the nick of time. He spoke the word that healed you, that pulled you back from the brink of death. So thank God for his marvelous love, for his miracle mercy to the children he loves. Offer Thanksgiving sacrifices, tell the world what he has done. Sing it out!
